Saturday, May 16, 2015

Be Your Own Happy

I tend to look to my husband as my source of happiness and recently, I've really been trying to recognize and change my thinking about the phrase above... "Be with someone that makes you happy" versus "Be someone that makes you happy". It's been quiet challenging and it continues to be a work in progress.

When I was unhappy working at a previous job, I felt that I should be able to vent to him about my long day at work and be offered a big hug to make me feel better. If he didn't give him the time and attention, then it just led me to be even more upset and unhappy. Sometimes, he can be very blunt and straight forward... 'if you don't like your job, just quit...' when I just want to hear... 'aw, you work so hard, I'm sorry you had a rough day. What should we do to turn that frown, upside down?'... lol... yes, I'm a big baby and I just want to be coddled. It's a little sad I know. If you've read the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus... I'm a perfect example! But I'm realizing that if he isn't in the mood to listen or doesn't react with the same empathy I had hoped for... well, that's ok! I need to find my own way to unwind and find my own happiness at the end of the day. Easier said than done and has taken some practice for me. 

My husband does make me happy and... frustrated from time to time. He has surprised me with a romantic sunset boat cruise totally out of the blue and also frustrated me over a huge argument over some silly curtains! We both want to see each other happy, but we're also both very opinionated and outspoken. This can sometimes become a problem when I care a little too much about what he thinks, even when I pretend I don't. It leads to actions or decisions that result in my unhappiness in the end because I simply agreed to something because I was too concerned with his opinion rather than my own. It's not his fault for voicing his opinion, it's my own for not standing my ground if it's something I feel strongly about. Plus, I need to realize that if he's not totally on board with my decision... well that's ok too! Just like I'm responsible for my own happiness, the same goes for him... but this is sometimes hard for me to realize. 

In the past, I've made a huge fuss over how his action or lack therefore has made me unhappy. But I'm learning that although it's important for me to let my feelings be known, once it is said and done, I need to let it go and not look for him to "fix it" for me to be happy. It's ok to not have a "closure" on each and very little argument. I believe in any situation, it's important to realize that it's ok to agree to disagree as long as you do so in a respectful way... and actually be ok with it! I need to find my own source of happiness within myself... maybe go for a run, get a mani/pedi, or grab some bubble tea.... whatever it is that will result in making myself happy.

Sometimes, it's important to prioritize your own happiness and recognize that your happiness is your responsibility alone. I've already seen a few changes in myself ever since I've started to pay little more attention to my own happiness. Until recently, I don't really think I understood what it meant to when someone said... 'you can't be happy with someone, until you're truly happy with yourself first.' Like I mentioned before, it's all a work in progress and I'm sure I'll have a few hiccups here and there, but nonetheless I think it's truly important to "be someone that makes you happy". 

Are you your own happy?


  1. Such good food for thought here, Reshma. I totally agree I can let someone's actions dictate my behaviors more than they should. There's a few quotes about not giving power to people who don't mean anything by letting them influence your actions and feelings. That's of course not designed for our fabulous husbands. :) ... but I like the idea of it. Good reminder. Thank you!

  2. Love this post and could not agree more! Most of my life, I've been one of those people who looks to external relationships to validate how "good" I am. So when Vishnu got upset with me or we got in an argument, it was like the world was over! Not good for anyone involved! Over the last year, I've tried my best to change my mindset and focus on the relationship I have with myself, and I've honestly found that all my other relationships have improved because of this. So yes, I totally agree that we have to be our own happy. Great post!

    1. Thanks, Parita! I'm glad I'm not alone and that others can relate. I've definitely noticed a change since taking charge of my own happiness as well.